.... it is truly unreal... unimaginable. I know I said I don't want to write about personal things on this blog, but I feel like this needs to be shared and it could be advantageous/inspiring for ya'll who care.
As I am brought to my proverbial knees, this ripping and tearing of years of stagnant love and hate (all mixed up into a clouded ball inside my soul) comes flowing out as a river of unpreventable tears. I sit in a corner, alone as I seem to be favoring lately, until my blurred eyes meet those of one of my best friends in the world... the anointed Maury Carlisle. He sees me and comes straight up to me and begins to ask what was up. Tell him about these past three years of my life, which ya'll don't know yet, but they have been the most "oppressed and dark times that I have experienced". I stumble and slur my speech about how I've been ripped up, chewed up, and spit out... haha, like the outdated and stale bag of BBQ chips in my kitchen right now, sorry, beside the point. Continue to express how I've felt sooo insignificant lately and how I feel so used and under-appreciated.
So Maury, grabs my tear-laden hands and says, "Brother, you are God's desire, He wants you and I assure you that you are the most SIGNIFICANT thing in the universe!!".... and of course, the floodgates open and I'm shaking like an earthshake. I'm praying for God to just restore my heart and my ability to love like he does, unconditionally. Cause that's truly what I love and WANT to do, is love my friends unconditionally. We continue praying for about an hour, just tons of confession and renouncing of the lies of Satan... AWESOME STUFF!!! I also pray, as Maury suggested, for a revelation of God's love, and I think I found a small bit of that in Psalm 45.
This is just my interpretation of this Psalm, and I could be way off, but I feel like this is how the Lord was speaking to me through this scripture.
I feel like I am the king defending truth, humility, and justice. God has given me everything I need to go out and "perform awe-inspiring deeds!" Not only do I have this power, but anyone who believes in him, has the potential to be even more holy and perform greater miracles than John The Baptist (forgot the reference for that verse, but it's there).
And this is the part that really shows that He is speaking to my issues of love. I am constantly praying for my future wife and such, and this is just perfect for me. Verse 13 paints a gorgeous bride (I guess it could mean an actual bride, or Christ) that is waiting to be wed. I was just so astonished at this verse. Felt like God was talking directly to me. Needless to say, it felt pretty great to have the Lord of All chit-chattin' with me about my issues.
Sorry this post took so long, annnd if any of ya'll ever want to talk about anything like this (or anything at all), just hollar at me...
